U.S. PROMISES TO CONSULT ALLIES BEFORE DOING WHAT IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY
Pledges Not to Move Alone Unless It Does

Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do anyway.

"Prior to taking action against any enemy nation, such as Iraq, we will confer with our allies, as well as other countries in that region," pledged U.S. President George W. Bush. "We will sit down with them. We will begin by explaining what our position is, and then we will... no, wait. That's it."
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