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Civilian casualties update
  Friday   October 13   2006       01: 54 PM

A little bit of catching up hopefully without IBS of the mouth (fingers) this time.

Wednesday I did the sleep test. It was weird and not pleasant for me because I was feeling a lot of pain that night, and no distractions. I did get a souvenir, a snapshot of a short period of time of my brain, breath, eyes, temp, ekg, and other goodies.

I also completed the questionaire for Clear Passage, and I was surprised at how huge it was, but it still didn't cover all my health history -- on my cover letter, I asked they please be patient with me and not be afraid of my tome...toes and fingers crossed.

I just had Gordy turn the car around at the Clinton Ferry and bring me home. I am so sad and ashamed, but I couldn't go see Mom, my stomach literally acted up, and I'm on ER alert. I know the pressure and stress had huge impact on this flare, but I also haven't had much sleep, nor have I completely recovered. I keep going back to meds and "clear" or bland diet. Damn. But, the worse thing of all, is my phoning Mom and telling her I will try again tomorrow, but my stomach is really bad.

She actually said my name, "Jonni" today for the first time in gobs and gobs of time -- oh that hurts so much that I have let her down again. I have a call in to Marilyn, maybe she can help -- but I think this is a catch-22 of the worse kind, one where Mom and I lose every time. Oh Mom, if you only knew how much I miss and love you...you'd not feel so abandoned and alone. But, reality is, she is alone and abandoned. I hate this. Seems like she and I both keep getting more sick and further apart -- she has been "acting out" like having no boundaries literally and figuratively.

They told me she was trying to get potato chips from someone else's plate. Well no wonder!!! She has this awful liquid puree stuff. That's why we bring food every time we come down. This time I have "cheezy-poofs" for her, easy to "melt" in her mouth without teeth, yet still be something so she won't be left out when other folx have good stuff like chips.

This is one of the reasons I really want them to fit her with dentures, so that she has them if ever she is motivated enough, like wanting to have gud fud, or look good around other people, whatever. WSH can't do x-rays et al, but they do have a dental facility there, and I would love to get her hooked up with some teeth. Also, they will help her speak better, and possibly be more understood when she tries to convey something.

I'll call Brian right now and ask again. Toes and fingers are crossed.
I hope I can make the trip tomorrow to see Mom !!!

As my great Aunt Anna always said, "Chins up!"... pax, send good vibes if y'all can.