A PBS donation has benefits beyond keeping KCTS alive!
In 2000, my donation's bonus premium was to tour Dale Chihuly's Boathouse. I could take one guest. My choices? Mom or Gordy. Guilt abounds, but Gordy won the "coin toss". It was a brilliant time. Join us now..!
I purchased "The Wild Divine" a while ago, and have revisited it recently. This is exciting biofeedback work that I recommend you check out ASAP! ..Zoe Enchanted Journey Meets BioFeedback Check out Wild Divine NOW! Visit my Amazon Storefront
Watch the 47th
Grammy's and look for DVR's Wife and Producer, Andrea Vuocolo
Vanronk, and our beloved Christine Lavin [who helped edit it] February 13,
2005 8PM on CBS.
My Father's Eyes (..Shirley Temple's dimples)... I finally motivated myself to create a banner for my 'blog. I tend to avoid having my photo taken, so this is a rare occurrence.
As I edited my banner in Photoshop®, I noticed that my eyes truly are my Father's! The color, the shape, the furrowed brow.
If I look really hard, I see his compassion for others, his pragmatic outlook on life, his work ethic, his sense of the ridiculous, his wisdom, his worries, his striving to be the best he can be (but never feeling he ever succeeded) his tenacity (read: stubborn), his rare but wonderful laughter, his love of all living things, his music and art appreciation, his curiousity about new technology, his belief that one's word is to be taken as a binding truth, his putting his family & friend's needs before his own, his ability to figure things out, his intuition, his love, his innate sense of style, his "happy girl". People think I look just like my Mother, but I don't have her effervescence, her joie de vive, her artistic talent, her ability to live life so completely and fully without fear, her ability to explode, on a moment's notice, into anger or into laughter with equal exuberance. I don't have her talent to draw people into her world without even trying; people want to be near her, want to make her laugh, make her happy. I don't have her exquisite beauty, her sense of style or creativity. Nor do I have her her youthful appearance; her energy, her sheer brilliance.
But, all things considered, as I look at this photo on the banner, I do note that I really do have Shirley Temple's dimples after all. ##
I have to tell you that I'm glad the HLCC Garage Sale is over for the year. It's been a good 4+ weeks of pouring through clutter and storage and memories and "smell things"* and having the strength to let go of those things that are representative of a time, place, or person that is no longer here. It's exhausting.
Thanks to Kim, I was inspired, and she cheer-leaded me to go further in releasing things than ever before.
Then it's time to sort. Kim did most of that piece, placing some order out of chaos!!! Brava.
But, then time to price things. Egads, how do you price something that is pure "smell thing"? That invokes a memory? And then the foolish items that cost, literally, lots of money, really, I'm admitting to it having cost a LOT of money, and then have to put a price on it so that it will sell, knowing fully that people will still think it isn't worth the ridiculously low price of $5 and try to get it at an even lower price?
Seeing the items again as you price it, and displaying the items you just let go of for the sale, makes it tough to not grab it, grab what it represents to oneself, and take it back into the house again. It's emotionally draining to put a price on these pieces of life, people, animals, hopes and foolishness -- i.e. my history.
Yet, somehow I did it. I worked the sale with Kim from about 8:20AM on, but finally crashed about 3:00PM, leaving Kim to finish the sale for me. I was too tired to hang in any more, and I also knew we were going to have to deal with the end-o-day shoppers who want it for free, who think they are doing me a favor by taking things away and undercutting the price to pennies. So I did leave with Kim's permission, and Gordy's promise to hang with Kim.
Kim packed everything up to be readied for Good Cheer and WAIF (our local animal shelter) charity -- she knows me so well, that if I saw what remained, and those things were accessible, they just may grow legs and walk back into the house.... Kim is an unbelievable friend, as is her husband Doug.
BTW, Gordy, put a few things up for sale which is truly huge for him. In some way he's more of a pack-rat than moi! If you knew me, you'd realize what a huge statement that is! The next step is getting the merchandise to the charities, and me staying away from the garage until it's gone. Phew, the day is done!
"pregnant pause"
OTOH, there were a few highlights of the sale. Getting a wee coo-coo, Kim and I started to put odd signs on some items. Such as a rug for sale saying "Don't tread on me, take me home"; a coffee table, "I have wheels, wheeeeee"; the ab-doer "Serious Abs"; and in right in front of everything, our 1989 Toyota, with the garage sale here sign leaning against it, with an auto cover on it, "Tarp $10, car free with purchase"... it was funny and fun. Even the most dour of shoppers smiled and laughed.
A young man got the car (free), his Mom bought the tarp 1/2 price $5.
A woman came in, and since it was a community sale, I asked her if "she'd been around the block yet" and she replied, totally dead-pan, "A couple of times".
I had a great Homedics lounge chair that had heat and many different massage options for it. I was asking a mere $15, but a gent offered me $5. I was going to say no, or at least split the difference, when his wife, daggers and sparks flying from her eyes, spit out "You can NOT bring that home into the house!!", then she glared at me and Kim, so I said, "sure".
He asked his wife to bring the Jeep up the hill so he could load it. She said "no, you bought it -- there is no place for it". He said he'd put it in "his room" downstairs in the basement, and she said "no you wont", and he replied that she wouldn't even see it.
She was so angry she said that when he went with it downstairs, she'd lock him in the room, from the outside!!! Oooopsie.
He left smiling very happily, and she fumed and glared at Kim and me, not glancing at her elderly husband wrestling with the massage chair as he followed her to the Jeep.
Methinks I need some protective white light around me and mine for a while. She knows where I live .... ## *that's what I call the items that equate with a person -- cats rub you to put their mark, their odor or, in me-terms, "smell things" on you -- to own you.
This is the 3rd consecutive visit with Mom that is upsetting, and I fear Mom is failing. I hope I'm wrong, I pray I'm wrong, I hope she rallies...she's finally in a nice place with nice people to care about and for her, and it's so much easier to visit her (despite today's 3 boat wait).
Three weeks ago she was very very shaky, crying and agitated. "No! No! No! dont!" in between crying was the majority of our time that day.
Two weeks ago, she was more calm, still tears, but not strong, she didn't eat much at all.. she was humoring me /us by nibbling a bit. She held hands with Gordy and rarely let go. I laid my head on her shoulder for a bit as she rested. Love.
Today, she was aware, but her speech was even less comprehensible. She kept falling to sleep, but it wasn't the heat as I would have imagined, it was exhaustion of some sort. Just before we came in, I looked inside, and saw her hunched over (she hasn't been walking like that in a very long time) and got up from a chair, then tried the bathroom door, then walked and examined a table, then back walking towards the couch, etc. like she was trying to get out of herself.
She looked so much thinner in just one week's time. She also looked dehydrated, and she drank the Starbucks Mocha Lite Frappacino (she always referred to it as "chocolate milk") greedily, which felt good that we brought it.
She was very chatty when she didn't nod off, but again, she didn't speak easily, mostly numbers. She did manage to read "frappacino", stumbling just a bit. And she knew who I was. She did later say, "I love you baby" and other things that indicated she knew exactly who I was. She also had her usual mannerisms, and wanted to joke and laugh.
We took her for a ride to get a DQ, and she enjoyed the drive, and then fell to sleep the 3 block trip to DQ, but I roused her at the drive through. She couldn't orient on the cone at first, but then did OK, and loved it. That was a plus, but she was angry /upset when we tried to stop the drips, or take the paper from the cone, etc.
She's still Mom. You do not want to get her upset /angry at you!
When we got back, we spoke some more to Nic and he said this whole week she was upset, angry and agitated. But he knows to let her feel what she needs to feel, and doesn't take it personally. We also chatted about "inappropriate licking" (like when she thought my hand was the ice cream cone ) but he smiled, but was quick to educate me that Mom doesn't mean anything by it, that she just isn't aware that it isn't considered appropriate to us. I loved that he so got it. I knew that she wasn't doing anything truly wrong, but I love that he jumped in to defend Mom and educate me on what was going on.
Like I said, they are good people.
Of course there are a lot of other things that just are not easily put into words, like hugging her and her being just bones and frail, or seeing her eyes roll up to the top of her head before her eyelids closed completely as she drifted off...just like Olivia's were when she was given the pre-euthanasia meds. It's hard to not make the comparison; the weight loss, the lack of energy, the loss of strength, the sleepiness, the weeknesss...it's frightening for me to see.
Nic said he'd be talking to Vickie re: the mental health issue of her acting out, and crying out family names, but I'm very afraid and scared for Mom, for me!
Intellectually, and emotionally, I only want what is best for Mom to happen for her. She deserves what is right for her -- quality of life, kindness, love -- not pain, fear, lonliness, anxiety, confusion... and yet, my heart can't bear the thought of losing her yet. I truly can't imagine life with her not on this planet. That is unbearable to me.
So, while I want whatever she wants for herself to be reality, I can't help but fight it. I love her and need her still.
This week I'm going to make more "american spaghetti" and hopefully am able to make the trip over to Mom's myself so Gordy can have a day to work.. today was more intrusive than expected with the extra boats wait. And he was exhausted.
I'm pretty lucky, as is Mom, to have Gordy be there for me, and most importantly, Mom. She relies on him so. And he's quite good with her, teasing etc.
So, this was not a good visit. I am afraid for us. I love her so infinitely much, but, as ever, despite trying to do the best I can do to communicate with her and /or anticipate her needs, I fall short. I only pray she can truly feel my love, admiration, respect and devotion. I love my mother more than she ever can know.
I dunno if this is some statement on my current outlook on life or not, but I've been on Facebook a lot of late. I have neglected my blog.
Part of that is due to the easy software that FB has that allows me to just "share on facebook" what I find around the web..it posts and adds a link, *and* let's me make a comment. No need for me to have to do html code, or download photos to my /images directory, or copy and paste and embed code for video posting, or audio .. just PFM!
I also get to find a lot of long lost people with a simple search, or they find me.
And, the privacy settings allow me to send messages instead of email, as private conversations. How kewl, er lazy is that? But I like it.
I dunno, but I may be going to the "dark" side after all, and continue to post to my blog less and less. Is this the equivalent of going to Kindle v. book?
So, for those of you who care, or follow my blog at all and want to know what goes on in my life, or what I've been posting and talking about, feel free to ask me to add you as a "friend".
Click on this link, and then make sure you send a message of "blog follower" as you "request" me to add you as a friend. I'll do it if you want.
Else, I'll see you next blog entry! ## PS Did I mention the addictive games???
Although Tim Burton is not my favorite film director, he has a certain je ne sais quoi. To that end, I'm very intrigued by this photo of Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter in the spring 2010 version of Alice in Wonderland as shown here -- this is fabulous (but so is Johnny D):
I just fired off a care package to our SIL, William Valdez via Treats for Troops. He's married to Jenny, and is Robyn and Evan's treasured of a Dad.
While he's gone, Katie and Mike will be moving to CO., and Katie will be helping Jenny out with the kids while Jenny works full time.
She and Mike came over for waffles and strawberry shortcake the other day, and I must admit that I got all "leaky-eyed". I'll miss them horribly. Everyone seems to be leaving - the separation anxiety is nasty! We should get another bit o' time with them on Wednesday if all goes as planned.
I'm happy for the kids and their kids, as this shoud be good for alluvem - but, selfishly, I want them all here on the Island! At least Robby is still on island, as is Megan...now if only we could get him to come visit....?!?
If any of you are looking to do a good deed, feel free to send a care package to William and his batallion in Afghanistan.
TFT is going out of business, which is an awful shame.
I remember well when they were first starting up, before the TV exposure etc. Such kind folk, and such hard work to navigate the bureaucracy to get things to the troops. Their going belly up is so wrong on so many levels; Bah Humbug.
Nonetheless, there is still product and time, until the end of this month -- Take advantage if you can!!
William Valdez is our Son-in-Law Extrodinaire. TFT ID=1912192 He's been to Iraq twice and currently is in Afghanistan. You can support individuals and troops via the Treats for Troops foster program, or, feel free to send a package to William directly, using his TFT ID 1912192 He shares with his Unit ;-)
Send love and light and prayers to William for us? Peace ##
Suggested DVDs Books et al -- [not always current, and subject to whim(sy)]
With the latest DVD players coming out with all formats compatible -- I delightedly found the funny and full version of Season one of Ally McBeal at Amazon.uk
[the US didn't release any full seasons] -- enjoy!
Yet Another (and another...) Must See Flick (YAMSF):
[Blazing Saddles - Limited Edition is the one to get because the Commentary by Mel Brooks is priceless ..enjoy!]
