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Civilian casualties update
  Sunday   September 2   2012       03: 28 PM

Today I lost my Beautiful Mother.

I didn't go visit Mom due to an especially lovely Labor Day traffic weekend and all the horrific ferry traffic it would mean. For that I will not forgive myself.

Mom had a MD appt. on Friday and nothing indicated that she'd go. I had phoned Nic earlier after our visit on Friday last, to see if he thought Mom was "leaving" (all euphemisms will prolly be used in this post) as she kept going to sleep during our visit. She seemed out of it, and it scared me. I thought perhaps it was the drugs she was now taking, the vicodin BID for pain, and was going to ask Nic to see if he could back off on them and perhaps she'd be more alert.

I woke up this AM, then fell back to sleep to hear my special ring tone on my phone, which Gordy answered for me. I heard him say "oh no" and then get proper in his speaking. That scared me. As he walked upstairs, I kept saying "What?", but he waited 'til he was by the bed and told me Mom died.

I couldn't "hear" it; believe it.

He said that this AM, Mom had her breakfast, and then when Howie, the lovely lady who adores Mom, went in to give her lunch, couldn't get Mom to respond. She phoned Nic who asked her to check her breathing, and then call 911. There was nothing they could do.

Evergreen Washelli is on their way to pick Mom up which is killing me to think of it happening. I want to see her on an emotional level, but I'm refraining seeing her like this. I asked Nic to change her out of her "depends" and put her in a long purple plush sleep shirt instead. I just think Mom would prefer to be in her "caftan" and comfy.

I've managed to reach a lot of the family, but still need to contact my Aunt Libby and my Cousin Terri. Their being back east, I probably will have to wait until tomorrow. My appt. for the paperwork and arrangements is on Tuesday at 2:00. I don't know who and how to contact Medicare and Social Security. I don't think she has any funeral benefits, so it's out of pocket. She did say she wanted to be cremated like Daddy was. I also want to contact Rabbi James Mirel, who said Kaddish for Dad, to do the same for Mom.

It's hard to move forward and do things on a long weekend.

The one silly smile I have is that apparently this is Nic and Sable's anniversary so he wasn't there. Knowing Gerry like she is, it would not surprise me if she chose this day so he'll always think of her--she did adore Nic!!!

It hurts so badly in waves right now...it's so hard to grasp the truth of this. I love my Mother!
>^^< peace and Jellybeans